nostalgia

i am so unrealistic. i often find myself wanting to live my life out like a good film. or trying to find my life in a movie. i have too much nostalgia in me...and though in recent days nostalgia hasn't been seen as a bad thing. its cute. its sweet. its dreamy. i dont think its any of these things. i read that the concept of nostalgia started out as a mental disease linked to depression and melancholy. it was a symptom that sailors and such tried to avoid and hoped to never get. just wikipedia it. you'll see. the idea is in everything i do. i make art that glorifies the past. and i often find myself reminiscing. i want to gradually eliminate this. it's like im trying to find eternity in my past when really i should be finding the realness in where/and what i am doing at the present moment. like right now i am laying in bed, head propped up on two pillows with my warm lap top on my legs. i am taking a break from reading my current fav book at the moment "the elegance of the hedgehog" and i have a dictionary next to me as well. cause sometimes theres words i need to know the meaning of like altruism and capricious. oh and to top it off im listening to norah jones. um i think this is pretty much dreamy sweetness right here.